Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Filtering by Category: Pooping Quandries

My Poopy Had a First Name

I sit on the bowl
in contemplation
in hopes of relieving
this constipation

I sit and stare
I do not shout
for the poop will come
there is no doubt

Emotions tense
my legs start shaking
elusive poops
are in the making

I squeeze and squeeze
but with no luck
this might poop
it is quite stuck

Tears begin flowing
in my defence
this poop indeed
must be immense

I take my stance
I hold on tight
this enormous poop
I wish not fight

Second becomes minutes
minutes into hours
I long the sight
Of brown fibre towers

A final push
in hopes to free
this putrid evil
inside of me

I feel a tingle
I spread with class
this mighty poop
it was just gas.

Giancarlo Filisola Blanco

constipation.jpg

Playoff Poop

At the bar you spend your night, w

baseball playoffs are on everything is alright.

Quickly finishing a few beers washing down the fries,

Drink and eat somemore utill you feel it in the thighs.

the game is over and the night is through,

heading home happilly no thought of tomorrows number two.

jolting awake at 4am like a barreling train,

ur sphincter is holding back explosion like a rusty water main.

Up you sprint sweating from your panic attack,

quickly bending to sit but hear a loud smack.

Looking behind you in a state of wild fear,

The entire wall is covered in a giant doodie smear.

Your poor asshole never stood a chance to win,

In retrospect nuclear wings had done you in.

So before you throw back those beer and wings,

Think, "Does shit really belong on the shower curtain rings?"

Take it easy tonight while pounding them down

Lest you'll be painting the walls again, the wrong color, brown.

Transient

Steamy Summers

It's a hot summer day with the sun shining down, 

so hot that even the clowns are sporting a frown. 

I sweat and i sweat all thru the day and night, 

the look of pit stains and sweat is quite a sight. 

I think to myself what can make this day turn, 

a nice cold shower is for what i yearn. 

Off i hop in with and stay for some time, 

until my fingers are wrinkled and body feels fine. 

The minute I turn off the water,

i let out a blast that wakes up my daughter! 

Oh no I say to myself why didn't i think, 

before i shower I should have dropped my brown stink. 

Nothing is worse than poop after your clean, 

to wish it upon someone else is just too mean. 

So off to the bowl to lay out my cable, 

while reading this months Maxim that's on the small table. 

After i finish and flush the tank

its back to the shower i go to wash out the stank.

There is a lesson to be learned from this little trouble, 

make sure you try to poop before shower or you'll be in there double! 

 get on the can before u wash that man

get on the can before u wash that man

A Day in The Forest

It’s a beautiful sunny day when I suddenly feel the urge,

Its my rectum telling me I have a turd that needs to purge.

Any other time I would welcome this as a midday treat,

but im off in the woods not near any toilet seat.

My mind races as I wonder if I can make it home in time,

but that thought is squashed as I fart and feel warm slime.

I know what I have to do so I begin to look for a tree,

I drop my pants, my undies, and get a good bending of my knee.

Down below in the meadow I see my poop drop to the grass,

Then comes my biggest fear, what will I use to wipe my ass.

Off in the distance I see a pile of freshly plucked leaves,

That looks like my best bet, let’s hope they aren’t infested with fleas.

So I penguin walk over bare assed for nature to see,

With my coiled up turd warming the roots of the tree.

Some may fear a moment like this should it happen to them,

Not me, I thought this poop was award winning, some may call it a gem.

The moral of the story is not to be afraid when that urge should hit,

So next time your in the woods, give it a shot cuz nothing beats a woods shit!

 

how-poop-outdoors.jpg

Its been a long time since i pooped and poemed

It's been a while since I've laid one down,                                                                 

a Poopie Poem while in doodie town.

But as I sit with my pants dropped low,

I push and push and just can't go.


I scratch my head not once but twice,

praying soon the poop will.begin to slice.

I almost give up cuz I just can't go,

but will a man like Me give up, hell no.

So one more push with all my might,

the force is like a punch in Tyson-Holyfield fight.

All the struggle isn't for waste,

cuz the floodgates open and I'm like a Ass full of doodie toothpaste.

A chocolate carvel is piling down below,

man I didn't realize how bad I had to go.

The ending to my doodie tale is now here,

the morale of the tale is a strong push should not be a fear.

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4 & 3 quarters

Sitting in my office trying so hard to study, but my ass is in an uproar sweating and feeling oh so muddy.

I want to ignore it and stay in my studious zone,

but this triumphant dookie is begging to be sent home.

I decide its a dire necessity to go drop this log,

I arrive in my regular poop stall only to find that its clogged!

An exasperated sigh comes from deep in my chest,

I need to find a toilet before my pants become a rancid mess.

I march down the hallway like a skin flute player in the high school band,

pants drop to my ankles as a land on the can!

Out comes the poo like a missle covered in vaseline,

4 pounds of feces and 3 quarters of my spleen!

- Mr. Doodie URI

 

Friday Friday

Sitting here bummed and quiet even on Friday,Why am I down and have nothing to say? Suddenly I realized I feel kind of sluggish, Must be from last night, I ate a lot of rubbish. So I ake my way on down the hall, Open the door and take a seat in the stall. I sit and push with all my might, Yet turn around and nothings in sight. Surely I said there must be something, When up from the depth floats up a dumpling. Oh my god I said this must be a sign, Cuz that little turd flipped the attitude of mine. Now I am happy and ready for the weekend, Cuz I get happy when I empty out my rearend.

 

Gotta go poop on Friday

Pooping Adventures at Occupy Wall Street

The protestors fill the news day after day, so down to Wall St. I go to see if they are going to get their way.

But as I approach I feel rumbling from below ,

and know that quickly to a toilet I must go.

I look to my left and to my right,

but bathroom facilities are no where in my sight.

My spirit weakens and I begin to pout,

who will be the one who gives me a poopie bailout?

Then suddenly from afar a quiet chant begins to rise,

this will be the perfect cover for me to leave a doodie surprise!

So as the crowd began to shout,

out my ass a brown monster does spout!

Happy and relieved I raise my jeans,

no longer do I have the quell those sphincter screams.

So as I leave Occupy Wall Street,

I feel lucky that poopie splatter does not occupy my feet.