Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Filtering by Category: squeeze the poop out

My Poopy Had a First Name

I sit on the bowl
in contemplation
in hopes of relieving
this constipation

I sit and stare
I do not shout
for the poop will come
there is no doubt

Emotions tense
my legs start shaking
elusive poops
are in the making

I squeeze and squeeze
but with no luck
this might poop
it is quite stuck

Tears begin flowing
in my defence
this poop indeed
must be immense

I take my stance
I hold on tight
this enormous poop
I wish not fight

Second becomes minutes
minutes into hours
I long the sight
Of brown fibre towers

A final push
in hopes to free
this putrid evil
inside of me

I feel a tingle
I spread with class
this mighty poop
it was just gas.

Giancarlo Filisola Blanco


The Giant Turd

Sitting around my ass is so sore,

Because my poop came thru like a barreling wild boar.

I do not know what has caused its girth,

Must be comparable to my wife's child birth.

To say it was wide is grossly undersaid,

It had the diameter of a king size bed.

I tried to flush it down but it got stuck,

Around it spun like a fluttering duck.

Half a roll of tp was needed right there,

This half floating log was smelt like burnt hair.

So my tale comes to an end,

Good luck to your butthole

as you make a new friend