Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

The Giant Turd

Sitting around my ass is so sore,

Because my poop came thru like a barreling wild boar.

I do not know what has caused its girth,

Must be comparable to my wife's child birth.

To say it was wide is grossly undersaid,

It had the diameter of a king size bed.

I tried to flush it down but it got stuck,

Around it spun like a fluttering duck.

Half a roll of tp was needed right there,

This half floating log was smelt like burnt hair.

So my tale comes to an end,

Good luck to your butthole

as you make a new friend

Playoff Poop

At the bar you spend your night, w

baseball playoffs are on everything is alright.

Quickly finishing a few beers washing down the fries,

Drink and eat somemore utill you feel it in the thighs.

the game is over and the night is through,

heading home happilly no thought of tomorrows number two.

jolting awake at 4am like a barreling train,

ur sphincter is holding back explosion like a rusty water main.

Up you sprint sweating from your panic attack,

quickly bending to sit but hear a loud smack.

Looking behind you in a state of wild fear,

The entire wall is covered in a giant doodie smear.

Your poor asshole never stood a chance to win,

In retrospect nuclear wings had done you in.

So before you throw back those beer and wings,

Think, "Does shit really belong on the shower curtain rings?"

Take it easy tonight while pounding them down

Lest you'll be painting the walls again, the wrong color, brown.

Transient

The Happiest of Ghost's

We all have had it happen a time or too,

You reach down to wipe and find no poo.

Where does the poop go does it just disappear?

How can something so smelly come out mess free from your rear?

The answer is simple and one that is not new,

To the Ghost PoopFfairy the mess goes when your through.

This is not a ghost to be afraid of or keep  you up at night,

It’s a nice ghost, a fairy who wants to do what is right.

The Ghost Poop Fairy comes once in a while,

And nothing makes him happier than seeing you with a smile.

For who wants to spend countless minutes wiping your hole,

When the Ghost Poop Fairy can come and leave you a happy soul.

We all have heard of Mr. Hanky the friendly Christmas poo,

Well this is his uncle and he’s kind hearted through and through.

So the next time you go to wipe and the Charmin comes out clean,

Give him a wink, a happy thought for helping you, for this ghost is not mean!

 

Poo_Fairy_by_Cowkitty.jpg

A Teacher's Trouble

The morning may be young, 

and the first bell just rung. 

But this war in my stomach is here to stay, 

I look at my schedule and my first prep seems as far off as May. 

Whats a teacher to do when the pooping man begins his call, 

surely you cant leave a room full of kids and penguin walk down the hall. 

So you clench and squeeze with all your might, 

and pray that any loose marbles roll quickly out of sight. 

What to do about the stench is a question you may ponder, 

that's easy, let one loose next to the fat kid during your classroom wander. 

No one will suspect the teacher is tearing ass like a king, 

they will pick that chubster who is housing down his third ring ding.

So while we may not be able to leave the classroom when the time for pooping does rise, 

it can still be a time to have fun at the expense of the unfortunate kid with fat thighs.

big.jpg

Sunday Poop

Sunday should be a day of rest, 

but often it is when our sphincter is put to its greatest test. 

A weekend of eating junk and throwing back some beers, 

leaves rancid smelling bathrooms that have put men in tears. 

There is nothing to be ashamed of if this applies to you, 

so have some pride when the next person walks in the bathroom and says phew. 

For your stink will be lingering for hours, 

it will be more eternal than the stonehenge towers. 

So after the first round of football games come to a close,

run to that bathroom and enjoy the sweet smell out your nose! 

bad_smell.jpg

Spanking the Monkey

Walking into the bathroom this man had one thing on his mind,

And that is a trail of poop falling from his behind.

But all that started to changed when he picked up a Maxim,

With the hot chicks on the pages he couldn’t help but pull his guy out and wax him.

Ten minutes passed and he finished the deed,

but his urge to poop was lost to find it again is in need.

The lesson to learn from this short little story,

Is poop before stroking off is the way to a bathroom trip of glory!

Be Covert, keep the earbuds in your pocket

Be Covert, keep the earbuds in your pocket

Sleeping on the Can

Heading to the john with sleep in my eyes,
and a trembling causing fear in my thighs.
With a new baby around spare time is few,
Which means each loop had extra time to percolate and make me say phew.
On the can I do settle for a little piece and quiet,
I'm oblivious to sounds out of my ass causing a riot.
My hands are holding my head while resting on my knee,
At some point I fell asleep while taking a pee.
How long past I do not know,
Then I hear the baby cry and up and out I go.
As I zip up I ponder and think,
Did I wipe or am I walking around with a stink?
F it I say I really don't care,
Sleep is what I need but with a newborn its never there.
So until my next pooping trip,
Its cleaning diapers and watching a baby guzzle breast milk with a sip.

get nice and cozy

get nice and cozy

A new life is born as the toilet flushes....

Sitting on the can while my wife is in labor,
Pushing and pushing, this is a moment I'd like to savor.
My last loop before I become a dad,
Primary objective: make this bathroom smell bad.
A green stinky haze floats up from the ground.
Down below I see my work, a large poopie mound.
Aromas are intoxicating, quickly filling the nursery ward,
Across the hall, an old lady yelling, the smell is running her over like a ford.
So as I finish my last little wipe,
I hear my wife yelling in a drugged up hype.
The moment has come.
This poop forever it will not last,
Its time to be a dad this doodie has passed.