Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

The Bailout Bun

At Occupy Wall Street for day number two,the swell of crowds of people is quite a view. As the day goes on my tummy begins to grumble, I need some food and I need it on the double. So over to the line of food thats free, praying that it tastes better than the bark of the tree. Finally the food is piled on my plate oh so high, I pray it doesn’t soon come streaming down my thigh. For beans and rice are a vegetarian treat, yet all I want is a tasty piece of meat. Thats what keeps the body strong, I fear that shortly my colon will know that somethings wrong! Like clockwork my stomach feels a sudden ache, deploying a fart that could be confused for NY’s second earth quake. Instantly I clench the checks on my rump super tight, my prime affirmation 'I will win this doodie fight!' I penguin walk for what seems like an hour, sweat pouring down my legs; man do i need a shower! I’m on this journey that never ends, if only I thought ahead and wore some depends. Finally my heart sinks as I come to the honest truth, there is no place to poop not even an old telephone booth. Seconds remain until I will be covered in a brown burst, and the 99% would soon be seeing a first. For a man covered in poopie is not a common view, unless you pass a crazy homless guy playing with his poo. climbing atop a ledge I look for a last minute place of relief, suddenly I see a Fat Cat and his crony passing by underneath. Quickly I drop my drawers as I can’t miss this chance, all around me the protestors sensing whats going on begin to dance. Knees are bent, cheeks are spread I’m about to let it fly, I time it perfectly as the 1%'er is about to walk by. I let loose a force with the power of a thousand suns, and cover that Bankster from his head to his soggy buns. He just stands there in shock with a face full of fear, as all the protestors start to come near. They laugh, point and giggle realizing what I'd just done, 'I love this man' they shout, 'with the bailout bun!'