Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Traffic Troubles

Down the NJ turnpike, you see signs for the GWB

Simultaneously let loose a fart launching a marble into your undies.

you are fine, though your intestines are ready to flow,

Home is so close, 30 minutes to go

Suddenly the most unholy of sights,

Miles and miles of bright red tail lights.

head dropping to your steering wheel sitting in paralyzing fear,

“What will I do with this load peeking out my rear?”

sweating and clenching as you inch right along

pooping in the middle lane?, would it really be so wrong?

45 minutes have passed, you are out of time,

That last fart you ripped let out a brown stinky slime

Swinging open the door faster than Marty McFly in the deloreon,

clearly this poop will in no way be boring.

hopping over the rumble strips tearing off your jeans

Up the guard rail your puckering butthole swings

Hundreds watching shock and awe in their gaze,

barely given a thought in your brown poopie haze.

Finishing fast and realizing your in big trouble,

No toilet paper available only a big mound of trash and rubble.

bunny hopping over, finding an oldlottery ticket,

Noticing ‘not a winner’, quick wipe then you flick it

done and finished you let out a sigh,

wiping the sweat trickling down your thigh.

Who gives a damn what these people think,

one more dump will not worsen the New Jersey Stink.

rememeber when time for traveling does come,

Ensure you emptied out the residual poop from your bum

If you got to go, let it flow!

If you got to go, let it flow!