Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Dog Poo

 

I know it sounds disgusting, but its a thing you have to do,
If you live with mans best friend you have to pick up poo!
They come in different sizes, thats the poo's not the dogs,
Thats why I chose a little pooch, I don't want to pick up logs!

Now if my fury friend goes to toilet in the garden, 
I tend to get sense of joy, if I find a harden.
Because picking up the soft ones is really quite a task,
Especially if the lawn needs mowing, your bag fills up with grass!

I like to try and keep my lawn, tidy, short and trim, 
I can then spot poo's a mile off and get them bin.
Autumn makes things tricky when the leaves fall to the ground.
Its like playing spot the poo in the different shades of brown!

Now if your doggy likes to run to do his poop in peace,
Finding it to pick it up is frustrating to say the least.
In the winters frosty air, its not so difficult as it seems,
The poop will show you where it is, just look out for the steam.

I get in quite a pickle if my dog poops in a place, 
Where other dogs have done their business, a dilemma I must face.
Poop Identification, is it mines, or is it not,
But I know if I get the right one, as I grab it, its still hot!

Now the most important thing of all, is if you own a dog,
When they go to toilet, poop scooping is your job.
Don't ignore the doggy mess, it may end up on someones shoe,
Make sure you always pick it up, the responsibility is down to YOU!

Julie H-P

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