Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Filtering by Category: Philosophy of Poo

Clean up that baby Poo

a parents job is never done,

Changing a diaper is easy for number one,

nothing is worse when u get surprised,

Poop from elbows to thighs.

Thick, smelly, and slightly green,

Smellin like a shitty knock off of jim bean.

you gotta do what ya gotta do,

clean up that baby poo.

smellin so thick it hangs midair,

taking a deep breath is a mighty dare.

When the kid gets older and being rude

remind em in front of their friends of them pooping nude.

clean up that baby poo,

ask the wife for a BJ when through,

No is the answer you will receive, 

so throw on youporn.com and clean up with your sleeve.

Being a parent is full of joys,

except dust building up on ur sex toys.

I wouldn't change it no matter what we do,

clean up that baby poo!


The Giant Turd

Sitting around my ass is so sore,

Because my poop came thru like a barreling wild boar.

I do not know what has caused its girth,

Must be comparable to my wife's child birth.

To say it was wide is grossly undersaid,

It had the diameter of a king size bed.

I tried to flush it down but it got stuck,

Around it spun like a fluttering duck.

Half a roll of tp was needed right there,

This half floating log was smelt like burnt hair.

So my tale comes to an end,

Good luck to your butthole

as you make a new friend

The Happiest of Ghost's

We all have had it happen a time or too,

You reach down to wipe and find no poo.

Where does the poop go does it just disappear?

How can something so smelly come out mess free from your rear?

The answer is simple and one that is not new,

To the Ghost PoopFfairy the mess goes when your through.

This is not a ghost to be afraid of or keep  you up at night,

It’s a nice ghost, a fairy who wants to do what is right.

The Ghost Poop Fairy comes once in a while,

And nothing makes him happier than seeing you with a smile.

For who wants to spend countless minutes wiping your hole,

When the Ghost Poop Fairy can come and leave you a happy soul.

We all have heard of Mr. Hanky the friendly Christmas poo,

Well this is his uncle and he’s kind hearted through and through.

So the next time you go to wipe and the Charmin comes out clean,

Give him a wink, a happy thought for helping you, for this ghost is not mean!



Pooping Adventures at Occupy Wall Street

The protestors fill the news day after day, so down to Wall St. I go to see if they are going to get their way.

But as I approach I feel rumbling from below ,

and know that quickly to a toilet I must go.

I look to my left and to my right,

but bathroom facilities are no where in my sight.

My spirit weakens and I begin to pout,

who will be the one who gives me a poopie bailout?

Then suddenly from afar a quiet chant begins to rise,

this will be the perfect cover for me to leave a doodie surprise!

So as the crowd began to shout,

out my ass a brown monster does spout!

Happy and relieved I raise my jeans,

no longer do I have the quell those sphincter screams.

So as I leave Occupy Wall Street,

I feel lucky that poopie splatter does not occupy my feet.

Labor Day Surprise

Labor Day weekend is only hours away, so it's prime time to clear some room in my stomach today.

As there will be plenty of treats this weekend to fill me to the max,

and of course a turd so hard you can only cut it with an axe.

Cuz unhealthy foods are o so tasty,

but they making pooping a wee bit hasty.

So in my closing let me give you this word to wise,

poop a few times today or suffer your own labor day surprise.

Labor Day Surprise