Poopie Poems

The Largest Collection of Poo Poetry on the web!

PoopiePoems.com is a collection of poopie poetry. Poems written by everyday people during those increasingly rare moments of peace and quiet.

What is a Poopie Poem?

A Poopie Poem is a masterpiece that is created whilst one is in the bathroom taking care of business, dropping a deuce, dropping the kids off at the pool, shitting, looping, laying a giant steamer, blowing up the bowl, and pooping to name a few.  Though we all share a different name for it, one thing that is in common is that there is endless time for creativity in there.

We here at Poopie Poems do our best to harness each and every moment of this timeless tradition of laying cable to produce Poetry that every man, woman and child can enjoy.  We choose to create poems that capture the moment of what is transpiring.  No we aren’t some second rate poem writers that just babble off their fake heartfelt feelings after countless drafts and publish them. Rather we create our poems while doing our duty, right in that moment. We feel that this action packed moment inspires us to write our true emotional feelings and give you our audience our best work, as you will always be a big steamy #2 in our hearts.

What Format Should my Poem be in?

We usually author our poems with a rhyme fashion, but we are also open to all major poem categories including haikus, sonnets, soliloquy’s, prose, etc and so forth.

What do I eat the night before to make my poopie better for more poem time?

We here at Poopie Poems are big fans of fajitas, beans, chili’s (spicier the better), Chinese food, and fast foods. Basically anything that you know will keep you on the can as long as possible.  Bonus points go out to people who take a colon cleanse product as you will be having hours of enjoyable relaxation time with the porcelain throne.

How long do I need to create a poem?

That’s a great question, as we know sometimes we're in and out of the bathroom in 3 minutes flat, however a perfect “ghost” shit like that is rare and were often in there 10+minutes the day after thanksgiving pushing our heads off to no avail.  Basically we here at Poopie Poems recommend a solid 5 minutes of dedicated pooping time to truly make a quality piece.  We here at Poopie Poems partnered with the United Swindlers Front to conduct a study on average poop time of our authors and the results which can be seen below, confirm that between 5 and 7 minutes is necessary for a quality Poopie poem.

Day of Week              Average Time Spent by 5 Adults Over 30 Day Period (In Minutes)

Monday                                        6.12

Tuesday                                       6.30

Wednesday                                6.19

Thursday                                    6.00

Friday                                         5.73

If your wondering, why yes, we did log our logs. ​

What do I need to make a Poopie Poem?

A toilet, a cell phone or note pad to write on, and a turtle head prairie dogging its way out.

Our Goal.

To be your one stop place for all bathroom related humor.  Be  on the lookout for the launch of Poopie products in stores near you soon.  We want to fuel your fire for the perfect shit. We want to be the force behind the fart that launches the poop chute to full blast.

Toilet Paper Roll Dispenser & Air Freshener

Your stomach is churning, and you barely make it into the bathroom with a turtle head popping out ready to shoot out into the depths of the toilet bowl, but there is one problem. You forgot to grab the air freshener from under the sink! Why bother to bunny hop over when you can have a built in Air Freshener in your Toilet Paper Dispenser. 

With this fine product, you will never have to worry about any foul odors. Every turn of the roll provides a euphoric aroma that can block out the smells from even the worst mud butt this nation has ever seen. So don't be shy about using that Toilet Paper, as the more you use, the fresher the bathroom will smell!

Toilet Paper Roll Dispenser with Built in Air Freshener

Reliance Products Double Doodie Toilet Waste Bags (6-Pack)

Who has ever been out on the jobsite with the porta potty being occupied and nothing but a bucket for you to use? Well slip one of these bad boys into the bucket and et loose a poop with easy cleanup!
 
How about those times you are out camping and are afraid to leave a poop nearby in the woods for fear of attracting a bear or other aggressive animal? Simply poop into this bag and you are home free. 
 
With all the features listed below, these are a no brainer for everyone to pick up and hold onto for emergencies! 
  • Box of six portable toilet waste bags for easy clean-up
  • Inner waste bag and leak-proof outer carry bag
  • Double zip locking for a secure seal
  • Designed for easy no mess waste disposal
  • Can be used with most Reliance and other portable toilets

Luggable Loo - Reliance Products - Portable 5 Gallon Toilet Review

Let's all admit it, there has been a time where you were out in the woods or at your child's soccer game and you had world war III erupting in your lower rectum.  There isn't a bathroom around anywhere, and you get that sweat dripping down your back as you stand there clenched tighter than a British Guard outside the Queens Palace.  This is now a thing of the past.

 

Simply bring this bad boy along, open both your car doors, and throw a blanket over ya to block from onlookers if you wish, and your in business! 

Great investment! Hey lets be real, if you poop your pants your going to throw them away anyways. So buy this, be proactive and save some cash!!! 

Cottonelle Fresh Care Toilet Wipes 140 Ct

These are hands down the best toilet wipes on the market.

I can't describe to you how much these were a life saver after the feast of St. Guadaloupe this summer. I ate 4 burritos, and about an hour later I had to run to the bathroom like a penguin speed walking away from a Walrus in the South Pole.

Super soft, yet firm enough to be sturdy.

Well done Cottonelle, you surely have outdone yourself this time!